What am I not sharing?

I think it is worth being explicit about what I have not written about. Reading this blog, you may reasonably assume it is not my every thought, but you may also be unclear about to what degree I am censoring myself. I think this matters.

It matters to me because it helps me be more conscious about when I am censoring myself and the importance of what is not said in any exchange (written or verbal). It is also a way of exploring the boundaries and niches of online forums such as this, as satirised by Ben Elton [link]. It is also a response to books such as Paul Theroux’s where my curiousity about what he was NOT sharing actually started to draw me away from what he was.

So, some of the things I have not shared:

  • The frequency and nature of my rapturous, joyous, ecstatic, flooding experiences of bliss, or when I have had some deeper realisations of truth – whether during meditation, accompanied by music or a particular stimulus or otherwise. These experiences are hard to describe because so much happens in such a short amount of time, and more something I hope to share with every reader of this when I meet them face to face , with perhaps my presence reflecting how I have been affected by these experiences.

  • The significance of the quite limited number of thoughts that have often been crossing my mind. For long periods in the first half, and especially middle of my journey, there was really not a lot going on in my head. Which is nice. What did come into my head could then be considered, or let go of, from a place of restful silence.

  • My fleeting, but quite powerful at the time, thoughts and feelings about some of the beautiful women I have met along the way. e.g. the Pakistani housekeeper, the German tourist, the Californian student, the eyes of Iranian women peering over their Burkhas, the Chinese nightclub hostess(es), the many Balinese beauties, and the Hani women. I didn’t share this  with you, or them because…um….I didn’t want to embarrass anyone  (especially myself – ha ha ha). I also didn’t share them because I guess I fully enjoyed these experiences at the time, but I am actually quite closed to really exploring them further or in giving them real weight. The other common interpretation of these feelings was that they were actually just a specific expression of a more general feeling of love, rapture and desire to create and celebrate all types of beauty, magic and connection in the world and the woman standing in front of me just happened to be an object on to which I projected that feeling.

  • The decent amount of time I spent in the second half of the journey talking to (in my head) and thinking about my past, present and future (hopefully) intimate relationships.

  • How much I have been spending. Though I think about $26AUD a day is close to the average, not including major transport costs (flights, European, Australian and long-distance Asian trains).

  • All the times (not actually THAT many) that I got embarrassingly ripped off. I would have shared them, if they were really funny or extreme, but they weren’t.

  • My curiousity, nervousness and shifting perspectives about returning to Australia, being Australian, and everything that goes along with that.

  • How much work I have been doing along the way. Which is quite a bit, perhaps 8 to 10 8-hour-day-equivalents? I’ve enjoyed staying connected to work, and think I have been reasonably smart about what I have been doing.

  • Some goals I set myself along the way and whether I have forgotten them, achieved them, or failed. E.g. relating to frequency of meditation and exercise, finances, writing and other practices.

  • Lots of other little stuff which I don’t think of interest, or matters.

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